The Thoughts of The Dead
by purple devil 87
Summary: Being a spirit isn't as fun as it seems for Tadashi Hamada. Why is his body burnt? why does he have creepy memories? That's all Tadashi ever asks nowadays. Its rated t for how it briefly deals with suicide and hints at depression but other than that its ok. Some honeyhamata briefly mentioned. Please if you read you don't have to but try to review and tell me what you think.


the thoughts of the dead

The last thing I saw was flames. I think that's at least what I kinda remember being told. As to who told me I can't say I remember. Maybe I was in a fire. That would explain the burns on my body but other than that it's a mystery as to why they are there. At first it was a shock to see them. But they don't hurt though. Other than that the only other things that I know is that I died, I am dead, and my name is Tadashi Hamada.

I keep having these memories that I left this world because of a traitor. But it's like I shouldn't be having these memories because I open my eyes to be tortured by a mirage of flames. There are other more pleasant (if you could call them that) memories of this somewhat young boy. He looks about fourteen and has messy dark hair similar to mine. He's just sitting in front of a gravestone with my name on the front in English and Japanese. He brings green tea everyday in a little Starbucks cup. He just sits there chatting. I wonder how he knows I like green tea? Does he like green tea? And why is he wearing the same hat as me? Are we related? I mean he called me nii san so am I his brother? Those thoughts go through my mind every time. Then he just sits there and after a bit starts to cry. Tears streaming down his face. The silence being peppered with loud piercing sobs. Well now that I think about it I realize how fucked up it is to say it's a pleasant memory but it feels definitely better than flames. Yet really none of my memories are pretty to say the least.

I have other memories like of this girl. She looks pretty. Even though she's just a figment of my imagination I kind have a crush on her. Long blondish brown hair and pink glasses. She likes chemistry and the color yellow. She's around my age.

I'm going insane. I have a crush on a girl who is imaginary and apart of my imagination and keep getting suicidal thoughts to kill myself even though I'm already dead. I just can't handle these memories any more. The only other things that I know is that I died, I am dead, and my name is Tadashi Hamada.

By the way I'm kinda still wondering though how I got the suicidal thoughts if I'm supposed to be a ghost. It's kinda ironic. Isn't it the people who are alive that want to die? Usually once there dead there happy. I guess like they've been freed from there suffering. But i'm not happy. i'm being tortured by my death. Was I not meant to die? I ask that so much nowadays but I always wonder when will it get answered?

Like I said earlier I am going insane. I think it's the fact that I didn't go to hell or heaven I stayed as lost soul wandering the earth. It's probably worse than hell to be a lost soul. It's kinda like you're on a deserted island and your going crazy not because you have no food or water (and the human body can go without food for months but maybe not water) but because you're lonely. That's how I feel. Driven to madness because of my loneliness. It's actually kinda worse than the fire, brimstone, and eternal suffering of hell.

I saw the girl. The one around my age that I keep having memories about. She actually was real. Her nickname is Honey lemon from the conversation I overheard. Her real name is Kiko. She was in the corner of some cafe called the lucky cat sitting in a booth crying. With her tears falling into her tea looking at a photo of me and her. It was weird she felt so familiar and yet I didn't know her at all;and yet I should i was in the photo. Its like she gave me these intense feelings of deja vu. I just put my hand on her shoulder to comfort her. I felt sad but felt even worse when she walked right through me like the ghost that I am. It just reminds how lonely I am when that happens.

I've often wondered what the thoughts of the dead are but now I know. Those are the thoughts that I think every day.

The only things that I know is that I died, I am dead, and my name is Tadashi Hamada, and these are the thoughts of the dead.


End file.
